It Doesn’t Have To Be A Snowman


It Doesn't Have To Be A Snowman We are in October 2014, and our youngest is already very excited about Christmas. We went to the mall with our middle son and all the Christmas decorations got him thinking about this special time of the year.

As he grows, his awareness also grows and improves dramatically and has a better understanding of his surroundings often times, leaving me speechless at the questions he asks me or the things he says.

Today during dinner time, he was trying to explain to us how our middle one pushed him, I also saw him sticking out his tongue to make fun of him because he got more french fries. You know little things that neuro-typical children do on a daily basis but things that we treasure more as parents of three children in the spectrum.

Tonight, we were watching shows and out of the blue we had this conversation:

Him: Mom when is Christmas?

Me: Christmas is on December 25th

Him: *looks confused*

Me: Let me show you”¦(I show him the calendar and I explain that first it is October, then November and then finally December).

Him: So Christmas is just now”¦

Me: Well, it’s a long time from now, son

Him: *thinking* Santa Claus is coming Mommy. Santa Claus flies in the sky and bring presents for Mommy, Daddy, and everybody.

Me: *quite surprised* I smile. Will he say ho ho ho Merry Christmas?

Him: *opening eyes wide* yes, yes, yes and no white Christmas, nooooo”¦no white circles (Snow) noooooo…because it’s hot in Trinidad. No white Christmas, but “Green and grass” Christmas.

Me: *smiling* (I wanted to laugh at how sweet he was being but laughing when he talks sometimes gets him upset).

Him: Mom, Santa Claus coming inside the house

Me: Really?

Him: Yes, Santa Claus coming inside the house with boxes of presents

Me: *smiling* That’s great!

Him: That’s right. Christmas is great, Christmas is fun!

He drank his water, brushed his teeth… And I tucked him in bed. While doing that I could see he was daydreaming with Christmas and Santa Claus and all the presents he will open on Christmas Day.

It made me think that sometimes, we wish what others consider perfect “White Christmases” In their lives: Perfect lives, healthy children, perfect jobs and we beat ourselves so badly when we cannot achieve any of that.

The truth of the matter is that nobody has perfect “White Christmases”…yes, no matter what they say, we all have “Green and Grass Christmases”. Granted, some with more green than grass and others with more grass than green…but at the end of the day, we are all on the same page. Our struggles might be different, but we all struggle and trying to do our very best.

Watching the movie Frozen, the song “Do you want to build a snowman?” caught my attention immediately, it reminds me of my sons, especially my little middle one who is the most affected by autism and also reminds me of ALL the amazing, wonderful, loving and dedicated parents of children in the spectrum around the world that want to reach out to their little ones who often times are unable to answer verbally and who are living in their own world…

Do you wanna build a snowman?
Come on lets go and play
I never see you anymore
Come out the door
It’s like you’ve gone away-
We used to be best buddies
And now we’re not
I wish you would tell me why!-
Do you wanna build a snowman?
It doesn’t have to be a snowman.

Please, I know you’re in there,
People are asking where you’ve been
They say “have courage”, and I’m trying to
I’m right out here for you, just let me in
We only have each other
It’s just you and me
What are we going to do?

Do you wanna build a Snowman?

It doesn’t have to be a Snowman like the song says, you can build Sandmen for your little one. I know it doesn’t seem so, but your son or daughter hears you and feels your wonderful love. He/she might not be able to reply to you in the way you wish they could, but boy, hearts speak to each other so strongly and they speak with more words and more feelings than human speech will ever be able to achieve.

It doesn’t have to be a White Christmas and you know what? It is totally fine. You can have wonderful and meaningful “Green and Grass daily Christmases” And be just as great. Because you see, perfection isn’t about what the world tells you it should be…No…

It is about *you*, seeing beyond the imperfections and choosing to be happy.

Author: Maria Borde

I am a Mom of 3 wonderful Kings, all on the Autism Spectrum. No, it isn't a typo. As you can imagine, life is never boring around here.

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